Author’s note: I can’t wait to see how Stormy handles Poltergeists.

Vincent spun around. He didn’t see anything. … Which is kind of normal when dealing with ghosts.
“It’s clear to me that there’s a poltergeist here.”
He tried not to laugh at his crappy pun. A phone flew past his head.
“I guess I pushed the wrong buttons.”
A portable fence post whizzed by. Vincent decided it was time to hide, before the things flying at him became too big to dodge. “Whoa, dude! Calm the fuck down! … wait, it’s a poltergeist. Those guys wouldn’t know calm if it smacked them in the face.”
He took a moment to think. He’d never encountered an actual poltergeist before, and he’d only ever heard one story about them. Hell, he only knew it was a poltergeist because he watched too many horror movies. Horror movies. This isn’t a horror movie. If anything, it was a comedy. Why the hell is there a poltergeist in a comedy? Vincent’s train of thought wandered for a moment, when he heard something crash.
“Hey, no need to trash the place. I’m over here!” He ducked behind the desk again as something he couldn’t see slammed into it.
He required a smartphone and started looking up poltergeists on conspiracy websites. After joining the agency, these sites were surprisingly helpful. Completely paranoid bullshit way of telling what happened, but once you get past that, it’s pretty accurate, assuming that it’s dealing with something like a fae or a ghost. Aliens? Hah. Although some leeches probably landed on these sites, too, and those are about the closest thing to “Aliens” we could get.
He finally settled on a site about a house “possessed” by a poltergeist. Possibly more than one, but that’s not what he was looking for. The poltergeist only seemed to be angry whenever certain people came into the house. The former owner, a widow, went to visit it once it hit the news a few times, and nothing happened while she were there. He wondered if there was an Agency file on the house. Something noisy hit the desk. Vincent had a crazy idea. Since when were his ideas not crazy? He stood up, slowly.
“Excuse me, ghost. My name is Vincent-” He ducked what looked like a mini-vacuum. “Do you have a name?”
“Well, it stopped throwing things,” Vincent muttered. “Hello? I’d like to get to know you.”
He was knocked off his feet and saw a figure holding a trash can ready to drop it on his face. “Shit.”
The figure spoke. The voice was faint, but very clear and articulate. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I’m just being a tourist. I got stuck here after hours because I take too long to shit.” He got ready to require something in case the garbage can dropped.
“You’re lying.”
“I know, but it got you to hesitate, didn’t it? May I stand up now?”
“Fine.” Vincent stood up, slowly. His brain started treating the situation like a Solstice who’d caught him unarmed in a blackout. Someone was pissy, and he needed to negotiate. Luckily, negotiation was one of his strongest points.
“So, looks like we started on the wrong foot. Bah Weep Granah Weep Ninni Bong?”
“Nevermind. What’s your story?”
“I’m a ghost, dumbass.”
“I can see th- Well, you’re a little transparent, so I kinda can’t see that.” The figure hefted the garbage can again.
“You’ve got a mouth on you.”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
“I’m about to pound your face in with a really heavy garbage can, and you keep cracking wise? You’re either insane or really brave.”
“It’s insanity.”
The ghost hesitated again. “Well, at least you’re honest. What really brings you here? I can tell you’re not just an ordinary person.”
“Alright, you got me. I’m with the Agency, although I really am on vacation and being a tourist. I just had a weird feeling, which turned out to be you, about this place, so I wanted to check it out.”
“Well, you found me. Good fucking job.”
“Well, you’re a ghost. And a pissy one at that. How’d you die?”
“Mechanical accident. One of the exhibits… malfunctioned just after we finished building it.”
“Right. No need to say more. It’s bad enough that it killed you. How’d your family take it?”
“I… I don’t know. They took my body away, as hard as I tried to get back to it… My family’s never come here since. They can’t stand to look at the monstrosity that took my life.”
“Yeah, it is kinda ugly.”
The ghost glared, but didn’t look like he was going to throw anything.
“Hey, if I can get your family to visit you, do you think you could stop trashing the place?”
“… I-I’d like that. Yes, could you please get them to visit?”
“I’d be happy to do that. Can you tell me your name? Actually, let me guess your name. Is it ‘Chuck’ as in ‘Chuck things at people’s heads?'”
Vincent ducked. The poltergeist laughed.
“No, my name is Thomas. You’re a horrible punster. Now get lost and bring my family here.”