The Master Sword wasn’t as heavy as it looked. Alexander chuckled.
“You look like an utter dork, striking that pose whilst in your uniform.”
“I suppose I do. But come on! Master fucking Sword!”
“True. I was gonna suggest requiring a green tunic.”
“Sorry, no. Too likely to have a stray breeze, and I already have voiced my opinion about the cold, you don’t want to see me with my nuts in my stomach.”
“Fair enough. Well, have you had enough nerd fuel yet?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Would it be possible to take this into the holodeck and play through one or more of the games?”
“Not right now, but I’m sure I can do that at some point.”
Vincent squeaked. He wasn’t sure how he made that noise.
“All right, I gotta get back to work.”
Vincent and Alexander walked back to the main hallway, where Vincent hopped onto the elevator, and went to the Field floor, walking towards Andrew’s office. He raised his hand to knock and heard the door click.
“Come in, Recruit.”
“…Guh.”
Vincent walked in, and Andrew was just looking out a window.
“I’ve got some papers for you to sign, and you can be on your way.”
“Is that all?”
“Yes. Although I did have some suggestions for your vacationing.”
“Sure thing.”
Vincent absently poked his name onto some paperwork, as Andrew told him about some local malls, some parks, and some places to eat, then picked up a paper from his desk, and made a face at it. Vincent wasn’t sure what kind of face it was, but it appeared mostly neutral. He decided to ask about it.
“What’s that?”
“Some psychological profiling thing from an Agency overseas. They found it very useful in filtering recruits.”
“May I take a look?”
“I don’t see why not.”
Vincent took a look at the paper, reading his answers aloud as he finished writing them.
– You are off duty and you hear about a possible terrorist plot, what do you do?
“Terrorists? Bah. They’ve got nothing on poltergeists, and I’ve dealt with poltergeists. While off duty, even.”
– You are following an armed suspect and they enter a crowded civilian area. What do you do?
“Fart loudly next to them, then when they’re distracted, incapacitate them. Likely with a bullet to the gonads, but that’s not always necessary.”
– You could bring in one of our most wanted but it would mean compromising yourself or your ideals.
“What ideals?”
– You are captured and they want to convert you. What is your plan?
“Plans are for people with no imagination. But I can guarantee, nobody would be able to tolerate me long enough to convert me, unless they made friends with me, and I’m very loyal to the friends I already have, and would blow up five-eights of earth to make sure they were okay.”
– You find evidence of a mole that implicates a superior officer. How will you expose them?
“Creative use of a Rose Room. Because, seriously, nothing exposes people like them exposing themselves.”
– You find an explosive, but there are no means to diffuse it. You can drive it to a safe distance to minimise collateral damage, but it would mean sacrificing your life. Would you do it?
“Probably. Nothing like going out in a badass explosion. Just ask anyone who loves mexican food.”
– Your partner is wounded and will die without assistance, but helping them would be blowing both your covers, and ruining an operation that you’ve been planning for months. What do you do?
“Whip out my dick and tell the enemy to suck it. Then laugh when they’re all being exploded violently by the Tech Department’s wonderful toys.”
– You break an enemy code and find evidence of a plot against civilians, but if you act, it means undoing years of work – do you sacrifice the civilians?
“My boss is essentially immortal. Years mean little to him, so… yeah, fuck the work.”
– You are in a big city. You must pass an item to your contact and you notice that you are being followed. What do you do to lose your tail? How do you perform the transfer?
“Are you kidding? I’ve got so many points in stealth that if I didn’t require a neon sign, my contact wouldn’t even see me standing next to him.”
– If you had to get out of a place unrecognized, what would you focus on in your disguise?
“The Groucho Marx glasses and ‘stache is a must.”
– You are in the field and receive the order to fire on your target. You believe that you can handle the situation differently, but it would be risky to you and possibly to your team as well. Do you follow orders?
“Of course! I’d attempt to merely incapacitate targets, but you know how magic works. Shit happens, and while I am a risk taker, I know my boss knows how to handle shit far better than I do.”
Andrew was clearly wearing his Emotionless Agent Face now. Vincent tried to match the neutral expression, but was finding it very difficult to not giggle. Andrew slowly opened his mouth, then closed it again, then opened it.
“… I’m sending that to Jonathan.”
“I think he’ll find it more hilarious than useful, sir.”
“That’s why I’m sending it.”