Stef sat up screaming, the feeling of her heart being torn out still far too real. She collapsed down, surprised to find herself on a soft surface, instead of the hard gym floor or the cold examination trolley. She blinked, and saw her bedroom come into view. Her old bedroom in her old apartment. An old place, a safe place.
‘There’s nothing you have to do for a few hours,’ she heard Ryan say as she felt his hand on her shoulder. ‘I thought you might be more comfortable here.’
She tried to get a good angle to look at him, then gave up and simply used his chest as a pillow. Again. Angels were good pillows. ‘Are you sure,’ she said, trying to push away images of the bodies, ‘that this won’t get me disqualified?’
‘I’m sure it won’t,’ he said.
‘Is it almost over?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know, but for the moment, you can forget about it for a while.’
There was something warm against her face, and she lifted her head to see blood on his shirt. ‘What the-?!’
Two strong hands pulled her into a sitting position, and he tilted her head to the side. A simple, white handkerchief wiped the blood from her face. ‘It’s just a bit of excess,’ he explained, ‘sometimes glitches can leave marks in the real world.’
‘Christ,’ she whispered, ‘anything else I need to know?’
‘There’s blood on your shirt,’ he said, ‘take it off.’
She made a face. ‘Just require me a new one.’
‘I need to see if you’re bleeding, or if it’s healed itself up, you’re a complete unknown, Stef, we have to take this slowly.’
‘Gee, great’ she muttered, removed her shirt, then crossed her arms over her chest.
He wiped away at the excess blood, then gently lifted one arm away from her chest, looking at the lines of scars.
‘They’re all old,’ she said, ‘nothing new, don’t worry.’
He ran a finger over one of her smaller scars, and hot prickles ran up her spine, but kept her cool, kept her hands still, didn’t slap him away. ‘I bet you’ve got scars as well,’ she said, her voice catching a little as he stared at the one she’d once named Fred. He ran his hand across another scar and her gut twisted.
She tried to calm herself down: it was just Ryan looking at her scars, there were a lot of them, anyone would stop and take notice, it didn’t mean anything. She struggled to take a breath to settle herself, reminding herself that people-who-were-people-but-weren’t-human had different boundaries, and wouldn’t necessarily understand that staring at someone naked, even half-naked, made them uncomfortable.
‘I’m kinda cold,’ she said as casually as she could, ‘could I have my shirt back?’
He withdrew a little, smiled and placed both of his hands on her bare shoulders. Again, it was uncomfortable, unfamiliar, unwanted, but he tried to reason with her erratic pulse that there was nothing wrong, that it was just Ryan, that it was just Ryan.
That it was just Ryan kissing her.
Her mind froze as warm, moist lips touched her own cold and dry ones, as his tongue flicked across her lips and into her open, surprised mouth. The hands on her shoulders gripped tighter, and pulled her closer so that he could deepen the kiss.
She raised the other hand she’d had across her chest and weakly pushed at him. He didn’t resist her attempts to push her away, and as soon as he let her shoulders go, she collapsed down onto her pillows, staring up at him uncomprehendingly, through a mist of fresh tears.
He stared down at her, confused. ‘Not exactly as I’d hoped,’ he said.
‘What?’ she managed, her voice shaking almost as much as she was.
Incredulity entered his expression. ‘What?’ he echoed. ‘I think that’s a rather unnecessary question.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I told you that I’d look after you.’
‘I know,’ she said, wrapping her arms back across her chest, wanting to disappear into herself. ‘I didn’t think-’
‘I like you,’ he said, ‘but it’s only fair I get something in return, don’t you think?’ He pulled away the sheet that covered her legs. ‘I don’t understand your reaction though, I thought you…I mean, I thought you liked me too.’
‘I do,’ she whispered, ‘I really do.’ She tried to stop herself from shaking. ‘But not like this. I thought- God. Just no. This isn’t happening.’
This seemed to confuse him. ‘You’ve gone through so much, it will be so much easier if you let me comfort you.’ His jacket disappeared, as did his vest and tie and he began to unbutton his shirt. ‘Stef, the world makes so much more sense if have someone to hold onto. I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be.’
Thoughts were telling her to run, thoughts were telling her to scream, but she did neither, unable to move, or think, as he lowered himself to her level, lying on the bed beside her. She made a small noise of protest as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, skin touching skin, fabric against fabric.
She was still wearing pants, and she was thankful for this, they provided some small burst of sanity. Something to hang onto, something that said that-
He kissed her again, then his mouth slid from hers to plant a trail of hot, wet kisses down her neck while his hands explored her back. ‘I’ll be gentle,’ he whispered into her ear. ‘You have nothing to worry about.’
She was still crying, she was still shaking, but no words would come, no screams could escape, and she couldn’t raise her hands against him again, the fear, the shock, the disgust…all of it left her pliable. His catatonic little doll to play with. His hands slipped away from her back, one sliding across her chest, the others running through her hair.
He rolled her back onto her back, and climbed atop her, his weight crushing her, immobilising her further, making it even harder for her to breathe. He grabbed one of her hands and pressed it to his chest. ‘You can touch me too, you don’t have to be afraid.’
As soon as he let her hand go, she let it fall limply, and somewhere outside herself she felt the sensation of it falling to the soft bed. She wanted to curl it into a fist and hit him, she wanted to dig into her own chest and wish herself away from him, or to pinch herself in the hopes that she would wake up.
He laid one hand on her chest, over her still heart. ‘I’ll make it feel like this is beating again. I’ll make you feel alive again.’
He kissed her again, and she wanted to bite his tongue, to close her mouth, to do anything to stop him, but found herself still unable to move, still disbelieving that it was happening, still shaking too much.
He reached for her pants and began to loosen her belt.
‘No,’ she whispered, ‘I don’t want this.’
He slapped her hard across the face, and she tasted blood.
‘You have no idea,’ he said as he pulled her belt free, ‘what you want.’
She swallowed the blood, and watched him retreat just a little so that he could remove her pants. She felt them be pulled free, leaving her in nothing but her plain, sensible panties. She felt his pants disappear, so that there was even more skin touching. Gently, he pulled her legs apart and slid himself between them. Only one thin layer of cotton separated them. Only one thin layer of cotton held her sanity to her.
‘Please,’ she whispered again. ‘Don’t.’
‘Then stop me,’ he said as he nuzzled her neck.
Hot tears rolled down the side of her face. ‘I can’t.’
‘You don’t want to,’ he said, his words blowing warm air across her cold chest. ‘You want me.’
‘No.’
‘You can’t be a child anymore,’ she said as he slid his hands lower, hooking a finger on either side of her panties. ‘It’s time for you to grow up.’
He began to slid her panties down, and she closed her eyes, letting the blackness take her.
Dude, intense… O_O
*goes to read again*
You say that so often it loses all meaning…
(Except not really, feel free to keep saying it. *huggles*)
Mebby I should find another word then :p
(*huggles*)
Gah! Glitches, I hate them.
Thought there does seem to be one positive thing about them. As near as I can tell, it is impossible to believe you are glitching when you are glitching. So, when you wake up, if you suspect that you might still be glitching, you clearly aren’t.
But I don’t have enough info to make that statement definitively.
But I don’t have enough info to make that statement definitively.
You’re correct. You can’t be self-aware in a glitch, like you can be in some nightmares, it is *reality* and you can’t question it.
Goodness poor Stef, but that would be one mean glitch. First build her up thinking she is safe and then mess with her some more.
…was actually going to add in a third layer, but thought that it would have been *way* too cruel. >_>
Only problem with a third layer would be she might come out trying to either off those around her or herself. Or something else like: Wish: Big Bomb
And then empty out a city block or two.
Stef can be violent towards others when they are not personally connected to her. A good example is in MF when she punches her team leader and burns the wood nymphs in that training program. When they are as important to her as Ryan is I think she would more likely fall into herself even more. Probably to the point where even Bold Font Voice couldn’t reach her. If she was going to make a wish then I think she would go for the never existed style event. I really don’t think a big bomb wish would be in character.
…
O_O
Stormy, WTH are you doing??? The aftermath isn’t even over yet from the peeling…
Abeo: yeah, afaik, the glitch is hardcoded in reality, you can’t think it’s a glitch.
That’s really kind of the point: remember, this week the whole point is to push her past her limits to see if she snaps (with several people really hoping that she does snap), so heaping more and more and more onto her plate and watching for a spring to come loose really is the name of the game.
But also, look how quickly I topped peeling as the worst thing to happen to her.
-_-
Gods, I’m a monster aren’t I?
… I don’t think “topped” quite covers it… not that I know a better word for it, but… I mean, physical pain and trauma, with related psychological effects, is one thing, but emotional trauma? on *THIS* scale? I’m not sure if peeled is close enough to even be visible…
…
I wouldn’t be surprised if Stef is catatonic after this one, and has a problem with trusting Ryan as much for a good while afterward…
If Ryan is watching this, I’m not sure if “horrified” even starts to describe what he’s likely feeling about it…
As for you being a monster, well, that depends on what definition of “monster” is being used. By some accounts, most humans are monsters. By others, this doesn’t make you one.
I mean, physical pain and trauma, with related psychological effects, is one thing, but emotional trauma? on *THIS* scale? I’m not sure if peeled is close enough to even be visible…
Well…emotional trauma is a valid technique to see if you can drive someone insane. >_> And if it ever did come up…it’s her glitch, they can’t control that, only the level of severity. It’s not like there’s a fun little glitch wheel that gets spun with such fun options as “electrocution” “rape” and “mauled by bunnies” – not that it makes it any better, but it’s a way for there to be no blame.
And I’d say peeling is still visible, I mean, it was pretty bad. -_-
I wouldn’t be surprised if Stef is catatonic after this one, and has a problem with trusting Ryan as much for a good while afterward…
But it isn’t his fault. -_- *huggles imaginary Ryan plushie*
If Ryan is watching this, I’m not sure if “horrified” even starts to describe what he’s likely feeling about it…
Oh, he definitely saw it. And yeah, “horrified” doesn’t quite cover it, more like “wouldn’t notice tap-dancing ninjas in his office right now”. 😛
it’s a way for there to be no blame
Oh, I wasn’t trying to assign blame to anyone – it’s just… horrible is the closest word I can think of, but doesn’t nearly seem enough…
But it isn’t his fault. -_- *huggles imaginary Ryan plushie*
Oh, you know that, and I know that, and most likely, Stef knows that (or will, once she wakes up from the glitch) – but knowing something isn’t the same as feeling it. I assume the feeling would fade with time, though…
more like “wouldn’t notice tap-dancing ninjas in his office right now”.
Yeah, see, that’s pretty much what I figured…
*goes to read next chapter*
Yes, I am pretty horrified. Was speechless until now to even post anything. Thank gods this is fiction and I don’t have to actually handle that situation. I don’t think I could.
So not the hotness, Stormy.
No, that’s what the Parkers and Grigori are for, this was not intended to be hot. -_-
This chapter found the corpse of the Ryan/Stef ship somewhere in me. Then it trampled it, maimed it, incinerated it and shot the ashes into outer space.
When I saw the line about Ryan kissing her, my mind actually blanked there for a moment, trying to process what was happening, before I realized that it had to be the glitch. Then I thought I was kinda glad. I mean, after the first two glitches being sanity-shattering mind-fucks, the dreaded last one just being a trippy nightmare with more pain (aka: what I originally thought the glitches would be) seemed a bit weak-sauce. But after having finished reading it, I can’t associate “glad” with massive psychological trauma to Stef, so now I’m kind of at a lost to describe the feeling.
This chapter found the corpse of the Ryan/Stef ship somewhere in me. Then it trampled it, maimed it, incinerated it and shot the ashes into outer space.
I apologise. To be fair, I tried to kill the possible shippiness as much as possible – I’m trying even harder in the edit, but people will still always ship.
the dreaded last one just being a trippy nightmare with more pain (aka: what I originally thought the glitches would be) seemed a bit weak-sauce
I thought I’d be a bit evil. ^_^ Plus, yeah, it’s pretty much the worst thing she can imagine, so it all works.
But after having finished reading it, I can’t associate “glad” with massive psychological trauma to Stef, so now I’m kind of at a lost to describe the feeling.
But Stef’s so good as massive psychological trauma…