You’re not supposed to do that!
I only can when you can’t, Spyder. Now, stop it.
I- ‘-cant!’
‘Newbie?’
Curt was stroking her hair, it should have been comforting, it should have been loving.
It should have been enough.
She coughed to clear her throat. ‘I-‘
He brought his face down beside her. ‘Hey.’
‘I- I need to use the bathroom.’
‘Sure, sure,’ he said, lifting her again.
He lifted her so easily, as if she weighed nothing, as if she was nothing, which she was. Just a specter, just a waste of space, just a dead girl in a skin suit, pretending she was real. She was a mistake that needed to be corrected, and it wouldn’t even be that hard this time. No delay waiting for pills to work, just say a few words and stop, so simple, so simple, so simple, and she’d be gone, and it would be over, and it wouldn’t hurt any more.
Her body angled as he bent to let her feet touch the cold tiles.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.
She got to shaky feet, but one hand stayed locked on him, holding a fistful of his shirt, keeping him in the room.
Let him go.
‘Stef?’
‘I’m fine,’ she forced out, ‘just-Just a bit shaky.’
You don’t want to do this.
‘Of course I don’t!’
‘Here,’ he said, bearing her weight as he lead her to the toilet.
‘You can leave,’ she whispered.
‘Don’t.’
Dammit, stay in my head!
‘I’m here, newbie,’ he said, ‘I’m right here.’
You’re just making it worse!
‘Please leave me alone.’
‘Don’t.’
‘Hey, hey, it’s ok.’
No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not.
‘Stef?’
‘No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not. No it’s not.’
He held her tighter, and she summoned her strength to push against his chest a little. Push him away. Make him go away. Easier to do it on her own, impossible to do it with someone watching, impossible not for him to-
Maybe not impossible.
It was only words after all, seven quietly spoken words, and then it would all be over. Seven words and all the pain would go away, all the- Everything would just stop, and there’d just be peace, and she wouldn’t have to fight anymore, and she-
She slumped against him, and let her body go slack, sliding to the ground. She wrapped her arms around his legs, and let out a slow breath.
<em<I’m sorry.
‘Ascartha,’ she whispered, in between two huge sobs. For a second, nothing happened, but then her HUD froze, and a small bar of seven circles appeared, the first one lit.
One down, six to go.
‘Ellameen,’ she said, a little louder this time.
So much easier than pills, so much easier than pills.
It was-
‘And the next word out of your mouth,’ Curt said as he stepped free of her arms, ‘is going to be dinosaur.’
‘Dinosaur,’ she said, and the next light circle lit up.
She lifted hands to her face, and wiped away her tears. Tears were gone, the need to sob and cry was gone, there was just the-
He crouched. ‘Why do you know your shatter sequence?’ he asked, his voice cold, harsh, the same voice he’d used when strapped her down and hurt her.
‘Why do you know it?’ she asked.
‘I have clearance to know it,’ he said, ‘not to use it. Do- Do you know what it does?’
She met his gaze for a moment, and gave a nod.
‘Tidings,’ she said, and the fourth circle lit up.
His hand shot out and clamped around her face, fingers digging in to her cheek. ‘Sorry,’ he said, and his grip lessened a little. ‘Stef- Stef what are you doing?’
‘What I have to,’ she said.
He let his hand drop away. ‘No-no, no you don’t! You don’t have to do anything. And not this. You- You can’t-‘
‘I think it might be the only thing I can do,’ she said.
His hand slipped away, then he rested her head between his hands and raised it a little to look at him. ‘Stef, please-‘
‘I’m sorry.’
Sorry. All she could be was sorry. Sorry, then gone, then not bothering anyone anymore ever. She’d cease being a bother, being a problematic pet, being something that people put up with. Cease…everything, and then everything would be good cause everything would be gone and there wouldn’t be the inside of her head anymore and she wouldn’t have to put up with-
‘Requisition,’ she said, and the fifth circle lit up.
‘No, no, no!’ he screamed, panic flooding his voice. ‘Come on, newbie, just- Just- Just don’t. Just- Just please- No.’ His hands slipped from her face, went around her neck and down her back, holding her close, her chest crushed to his.
Two more words then she wouldn’t be his problem anymore. Two more words and he wouldn’t have to pretend to love a worthless little shadow. Two more words and he’d be free, wouldn’t be trapped with her, wouldn’t be stuck with a thing that couldn’t be what a girlfriend should be, couldn’t ever be equal with him, couldn’t just be with him without her brain going in a billion directions, making it near-impossible to connect with the moment.
I want him, dammit, I want him, I want to be normal and I want to be a girl in love with a boy and I want it to be simple and I don’t want to be crazy!
Then wish for that! Use up your heart and wish yourself normal, it’s not as bad as dying!
It’s dying either way, we both know that.
If you wished yourself normal, something of you would survive. You don’t want to die, you don’t, you don’t! I’m in your damn head and I know you don’t want this!
‘Of course I don’t want this,’ she said.
‘Then don’t, please don’t,’ Curt said. ‘You can have whatever you want, you can do whatever you want, we don’t have to go back to the Agency, you want to fall, we can stay right here, you never have to do paperwork again! You never have to go for another patrol. You can sit in the corner and stare at the wall all day, I don’t care, I’ll give you whatever you want!’
She forced herself to look at him. ‘I want to stop, I just want to stop.’ She bit her hand for a moment, the pain distant. ‘I’m not doing this cause I want to, I’m doing this cause I need to. I need to,’ she said, stressing the word. ‘And you can’t understand. And I’m sorry. And it’ll be messy and I’m sorry.’
‘You don’t need to,’ he said, his tears wetting her face as he rubbed their cheeks together. ‘I’ll give you whatever you want, I’ll make it better! I’ll make it better, I promise, I’m sorry, but you’ve got to give me a chance, I’m sorry.’ His voice raised with every word. ‘Please don’t go, please don’t go!’ All of the volume fell from his voice. ‘Please don’t leave me.’ He was silent for a moment. ‘And I know that’s selfish, but I’m allowed to be selfish, I need you to know what you mean to me, and I know you need more reasons than that, but- Think of your dad, think of your pony, think of the techs. And that’s guilt tripping you. Shit! Just tell me what I need to say. I’ll say anything, I’ll do anything!’
‘Spiral.’
‘No, no, no! That’s six, please, gods, stop! Please, Stef, please!’
I want to stop, but I need to stop more, I just can’t- I just can’t- Stop me. Let me stop. Stop me. Let me stop. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away. Hold me. Make everything go away.
‘Hold me,’ she whispered.
‘I’m holding you,’ he said, and he redoubled his grip, pulling her into his lap, the air nearly disappearing from her lungs. ‘I’ve got you, I won’t you go, I won’t let you go.’
One more word. One more word and everything would stop hurting. Everything just hurt too much. Everything was too hard.
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
One more word.
A fitting word. Blue. The only sensible way to end an agent’s shatter sequence. The colour that gave life, the word that took life away. Agents…regular agents, the first thing they ever saw was blue. Fuck up and failure that she was, she probably wouldn’t even see it as she died.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said again.
‘I’ll do anything, I swear to god, just tell me how to stop you. Please, Stef, please. I’ll protect you, I’ll love you, I’ll keep you safe from-‘
‘You can’t keep me safe from what’s in my head.’
‘Give me a chance to try!’
‘You can’t sensible it away, Padawan,’ she said. ‘And I’m not doing this cause- Cause of you, or not cause of you, or whatever. I stopped myself last time, and I’d never hated myself more. And- And that’s when no one was looking, when no one cared, I can’t not now.’
‘Why the hells not?!’
Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.
‘Cause- Cause the only thing worse than trying to kill yourself?’
‘Yeah?’
She bit her lip until she tasted blood. ‘Failing, and having everyone know.’
He pressed his hands against the side of her face again. ‘No, no it’s not! Not getting to spend your life with the person you love is the worst thing! Having your girlfriend off herself in your lap is the worst thing! Not being able to help the person you love the most is the worst thing!’ He shook his head furiously. ‘And that’s guilt again. Fuck. Sorry. But it’s not the worst thing!’
‘How the fuck would you know?’
‘How would you?!’ he shouted back. ‘You just said that the last time, no one knew, so how do you know it’s the worst thing?! You want me to keep my mouth shut, I’ll keep my mouth shut, no one will know but me.’
‘But you’ll know,’ she said, ‘all you’ll see is right now, and you’ll freak out every time I say something that could have more than one meaning, and you’ll hate me cause-‘
‘I already freak out at half the things you say! And of course I’ll think about now, that’s love, you little idiot, worrying and trying to fix things is love!’
Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.
‘But if I’m gone, I won’t have to see you hating me for-‘
He kissed her cheek. ‘I could never hate you, I could never hate you, especially not for this, this isn’t your fault. It’s something about yourself that you can’t help. And I love you, and I accept you, and this isn’t enough to make me feel any differently! Don’t you get it, I love you, I love every stupid broken misconceiving part of you.’
‘And that’s not fair to you. I- I don’t wan that for you.’
‘Then break up with me, you don’t want me to deal with you, break up with me! There’s probably a hundred girls for hire in this building right now, I’ll call one and fuck them in front of you if you want, just so you know I- And I’d still love you, even if you made me stay away, I’d still love you. I’ll help you, I’ll do whatever you need, I’ll get you whatever you need, but this- This doesn’t give things a chance to get better. And they will, I swear to god, things will get better. I can’t fight what’s in your head, but I can hold you until it hurts you less.’
‘You- You have no idea what it’s like to be me. It’s so damn tiring,’ she said, adjusting herself against him, leaving back against the arm curving down her back. ‘Red pen.’
‘Huh?’
‘The red pen you use when you’re checking over my paperwork.’
‘I think it’s in my bag if you want it,’ he said.
‘The- The opposite, actually. I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate it every time I see it.’ She punched her stomach. ‘It hurts in there, and I just hold my breath waiting for you to pick up on a mistake, and every time you do-‘ She punched her stomach again. ‘And every time you do it’s like I’m not worth anything. LIke everything I’ve done gets erased the moment you make a little red X, cause it’s a stupid mistake, it’s always a stupid mistake, and I’m supposed to be better than that, I’m supposed to be better than that, and the only good thing about me is my brain and when that fails and I make a mistake and you mark it up, it just proves how fucking worthless I am! It just proves everyone right, and makes me regret not killing myself!’
He looked horrified.
‘And- And it’s not just you. Not just that,’ she said. ‘It when I miss a target, or don’t catch a bad guy, or fuck up something for Jonesy. It’s so incredibly easy just to tear me down. I’m not even as strong as a sandcastle. Anything, any tiny thing can just break me, cause it’s so easy just to break something that’s already broken.’
Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.
‘Stef-‘
‘It’s not normal to be like that. It’s not normal and it’s not feasible. It’s why I never tried anything, never did anything. I- I can’t go on for the rest of my life like this. It’s too tiring to be in my head. It’s too hard. It’s all too hard and no one gets anything out of it. I just want to go away, I just need to go away, I need to, I need to. I don’t want to, but I need to. I want to-‘
Tears fell, and she felt some of the sadness she’d been keeping distanced. It was sad. She was sad to die. That was new.
‘I want-‘ she angled her face up, and kissed a spot under his chin, her lips scratching on the beginnings of stubble. That was also new.
‘I want,’ she said. ‘You. I want to wake up beside you every morning. I want to want to stay in bed forever, until we drag each other out to go to work. I want to have breakfast and do paperwork and catch bad guys. I want to go to a stupid fancy restaurant, just to hate it, just so I can say I’ve done it. I want you to give me flowers so I can hate it, and be brave enough to have sex with you on your birthday. I want to prove I’m good enough to wear the uniform, even if it’s only recruit good. I want to have Ryan look at me, and be proud of me, and I want to feel it! I want to feel it instead of just knowing it! I want to go to the Academy and take classes and get better! I want to get better and that’s never gonna happen, it’s never gonna happen, it’s never gonna happen! I can’t get better! I’ve only gotten worse, and I’ll just keep getting worse! I want all that, and I can’t have any of it. It’s a life that belongs to someone else! Maybe, maybe if I kill this part of me, and then there’s just…her, and she can do it, she can do it and have my life and be better at it than I ever could be. And sometimes I think I’m the voice, that I’m the sick little shadow, and gods, I am, I am, I’m crushing the real Stef, and she’s never gonna have-‘
You know that’s bull, Spyder.
‘I don’t know anything! I don’t know anything!’
Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.
One word.
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
One damn word.
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
One more word and it all would go away.
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
‘You can have all of that,’ he said, ‘you can have all of that, maybe not straight away, but you can. It’s so hard, I know it’s so hard to even think about, but you’ll get there, you’ve got people who love you, you never had that before. And- And if it doesn’t get better, we can talk about it then, but you can’t give up now.’
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
‘Sure I can.’ She turned in his arms, straddling him and bringing her face level with his. ‘I can give up. I can fail. I can run away. These things I can do. I can be a coward. I can take the easy way. I can dismiss the idea of working hard. I can do anything that avoids what I really want.’
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
‘Newbie-‘
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
‘I- I know I can try. I know the little ways I can try and make myself better. But- But what if they don’t work? What if I try and try and try and I still don’t get better? This, me, everything, sucks, and I don’t want to- I so don’t want to. But- But it’s so much worse to try and fail than it is to never try at all. If I try and fail, then it’s going to hurt so much worse than not trying, cause it’s just- It’s just worse. And I can’t.’
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
‘Stef-‘
‘Tell Ryan I’m sorry. Tell him I love him.’
Her angel’s image flashed her mind for a moment. The dad she wanted. The dad she didn’t deserve. Hugs and cuddles and proud little pats on the head that some other girl should have gotten. She’d been taking advantage of him and he was better off without her.
‘Tell him I’m really sorry.’
I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this. I don’t want this. I need to do this.
She wrapped her arms around his head and kissed him, trying an open-mouth kiss, but only managing to clink her teeth against his. She pulled back and laid a dozen tiny kisses on his lips.
I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this.
Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this!
‘I love you, I truly do. And- And thanks for pretending with me.’
Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this! Don’t do this!
‘No! No! No!’ he shook her violently. ‘No! Don’t! I’ll- I’ll stop you!’
‘Hey, Padawan?’
He stopped shaking her. ‘Yeah, newbie?’
Tears streamed down her cheeks.
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‘Stop her!’
Tears dripped from her chin.
Curt put a hand to her face, and kissed her cheek.
‘Bl-‘
She heard glass shattering, and she had time to register pain in her head before unconsciousness crawled across her eyes and dragged her into the darkness.